When one is stricken with the grief of the loss of an important person in life, it is only natural for people around to show understanding and sympathy. It is not a taboo to seek help from support groups or counselling service. Yet when it comes to the death of a pet, bereavement is far less concerned.
In Hong Kong, there is no pet loss bereavement counselling service provided by government departments. Few NGOs provide these services, but due to the very limited funding, these services are often temporary, and have to be put to a stop when the funding is used up.
Realising the lack of support for pet owners who face the loss of their pets, Poon Wing-lok founded Animal Power with his wife in 2011. As an animal lover, he not only wishes to support pet owners, but also conducts research on animal loss to promote life education in Hong Kong.
“Hong Kong is running far behind countries like the US, which has started to provide pet loss counselling service in the 80s,” commented Poon.
Poon thinks that pets are becoming more and more important in a family, “Hong Kongers are quite alienated from one another, and as the birth rate is decreasing, people seek intimacy from pets.”
In a utilitarian society, unconditional love is not easy to be found. Poon recalled what he has heard during the support groups, “Some of the pet owners even say that they could not find this kind of love from people around them.”
Animal Power organised support groups for pet owners to share their inner feelings. Poon thinks that the happiest thing is that most of the participants in the support groups can overcome the agony.
Participants of the support groups come from all walks of life but share the same heartbreak. Middle-aged single women are often one of the most vulnerable as pets are more likely to be their only sustenance.
“These pet owners’ bottled up emotions are not recognised by society. They are often relieved to know that many people are going through what they’re facing,” Poon commented.
In fact, a pet owner losing a pet may be more painful than an elderly losing a spouse. A research1 done by the University of Hong Kong found out that the “grief score” of facing the death of a pet is 2.6, whereas the one of a spouse is 2.3.
The agony is often mixed with feelings like shock and guilt. Poon said, “Unlike deaths of humans which are usually anticipated, the loss of a pet is often sudden.”
Many pet owners are haunted by the guilt after their pets’ death.
“They blame themselves for unable to notice the sickness, or challenge their decisions on the choice of vet, hospital, etc. As animals could not express their consent, some pet owners regret to have opted for euthanasia, “ Poon explained.
Poon thinks that pet owners have to adjust their mentalities during different stages of their pets’ last days.
When an animal is getting very old or very sick, Poon thinks that pet owners have to understand their restraints, and that there is no if-I-had-known. All they could do is to try their best to cherish the remaining time spent with the animal. Confiding in other people, exploring the meaning of death are good ways to soothe emotions.
When a pet has passed away, Poon suggests that pet owners have to bear in mind that they do not have to hide their sadness. Do not be afraid to talk to people, even if they do not understand what is going on. No one completely understands the feelings of another person.
Many people treat pets as part of the family and sometimes there are disputes between family members.
“As long as it is not hurting anyone, I would suggest family members to respect the opinion of the main caregiver of the animal,” Poon recommends.
Psychological counselling services are usually expensive, ranging from a few hundred to thousands of dollars per hour. Yet Animal Power provides low-cost or even free service.
“We are trying to mainstream pet loss bereavement counselling, since it is rather uncommon in Hong Kong. So we treat this like a committee service, to pay back to society,” Poon said.
“The loss of a pet is as important as the loss of a family member. But resources are never enough and the loss of the latter is often put into priority,” Poon sighs.
As a certified pet loss councillor, Poon believes that professional training on pet loss bereavement should be provided to social workers. He has seen cases who have sought help from social workers who look down on their agony.
“Social workers or counselors have to be more sensitive and have more empathy. More and more people are keeping pets, the need for these services will be more and more important,” Poon foresees the growth for pet loss counselling service in Hong Kong.
In terms of the quality of death, Poon praises the pet funeral services in Hong Kong.
“Animals can pass away with dignity, where pet owners can say goodbye properly. We can see that pet owners value the relationship with their pets,” Poon comments.
“The biggest problem is the lack of death education and the acceptance of the bereavement. There is, of course, some improvement, but it is not enough. The support from government or society is too little to sustain the service,” Poon criticizes.
From life education talks and workshops, to interviews with mainstream media, or even academic research with the University of Hong Kong, Poon has used most of his time after work to contribute to his organisation. However, his work had to come to a pause when he and his wife immigrated to Australia last year.
There is still a long way to go to raise the public awareness in pet loss bereavement.
“I’m looking forward to restarting the work any time if possible,” Poon says.
1Chan, H.Y., Pang, M.F. (2013, 25 Nov). 寵物離世慘過長者喪偶 主人讓愛貓愛犬後代披麻戴孝. Apple Daily. Retrieved from https://hk.news.appledaily.com/local/daily/article/20131125/18522794?fbclid=IwAR2a8MVkFz0esOKvVKD_iPaLVkPjMZeyqD9_N3jzWo-FL5G_5qWeZCJY5EU
Facing Death In Hong Kong 